Letting Go of Control with Food

"Why can't you just let it go?" my six-year old asked me.

My eyes were glued to the plastic cylinder, and inside, was a caterpillar munching on the dandelion leaves I just fed it.

"I will, but first I want to see it turn into a butterfly, and then I'll let it go!" I told her.

I bought her a butterfly kit for Easter, so we could watch lowly wormy creatures turn into free-flying winged beauties before our eyes.

As Jesus rose from the tomb, so would they rise from theirs. It gave me hope for us, too.

And indeed we already witnessed six caterpillars eat and eat and double in size, climb to the top, hang upside down, were slowly covered in a brown casing, and then we waited 10 suspenseful days. As soon as all 6 emerged, we had a freedom party: we let them go in our front yard, and I filmed the whole thing.

And here I was, trapping a newly found wild caterpillar to experience the whole wonderful thing again.

The whole process was amazing. Where did those wings come from? What happened to their old body? How did they know what to do? And what would have happened if they refused to eat more leaves and instead went on a diet?

Because when I say they doubled in size, they literally did. It made me feel more normal for being so ravenous when I was nursing. The body knows what it needs—this is the basis behind intuitive eating, but even more so, God does. This is the basis behind Spirit-led intuitive health. Being able to listen not only to our bodies, but to the Creator and sustainer of ourselves.

The caterpillar was more free than me. And not only was I trapping it, I was reminded that I was trapping myself.

Making Food Rules Doesn't Rule

Although this is hard to admit, I have felt enslaved to food. I'm not overweight by medical standards, I don't binge by any eating disorder diagnosis, but I eat more than I want. And I feel guilty way more than a supposed saint should. In fact, "eating for comfort," "overeating," "gluttony," is the most recurring sin I write down in The Lord's Prayer: A 12-Week Journal under the line "forgive us our trespasses."

I'm so sick of making rules and not being able to abide by them. I know what grace is, I know all all the Bible verses like this one that told me my plans were folly:

"If with Christ you died to the elemental spirits of the world, why, as if you were still alive in the world, do you submit to regulations— “Do not handle, Do not taste, Do not touch” (referring to things that all perish as they are used)—according to human precepts and teachings? These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh." Colossians 2:20-23

So why do I keep making rules? And why can't I follow them? (Don't worry, I know Romans 7 for that too)

"Stop trying and give it to me" is what I heard God tell me in my frustration.

*Clink!*

It was like a chain fell off.

Food wasn't enslaving me, I was enslaving food.

You Are the Free One

I was the free one. I was just chaining myself to food, trapping it under my own expectations, perhaps influenced by culture and my own deceitful desires.

For the first time, I realized I wasn't the favored chosen Israelites like I had always pictured myself in the Bible. I was Pharaoh. I needed to let the food go.

Friend, you've probably been told so many times that you're free in Christ. You've heard the verses too.

"For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery" Galatians 5:1 triumphantly shouts!
"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed," reminds John 8:36.
And as 2 Corinthians 3:17 directs us, "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."

But what if we're still carrying our chains around, binding ourselves to what promises life but only delivers a dead end? Not only are we now enslaved again, we have now trapped something else in our grip, like those innocent caterpillars.

Trying to Control Food

This is what it feels like to be chained to the diet cycle. I haven't even been on any diet, but it feels like I was.

I felt controlled by food, so I tried control it. It was a wrestling match I was not winning.

When the Israelites grew too numerous, Pharaoh felt threatened and enslaved them. "That'll keep them in check!" he probably said to himself. Only they grew and grew.

We are surrounded with food, overwhelmed with abundance and sugar and MSG and other dopamine-firing ingredients. What's the most reasonable thing to do when we can't seem to resist, when we feel overpowered by cravings? Control it. Subdue it. Out of fear that it will reign over us and trap us.

But what happened to Pharaoh? God sent plagues, straight up prophetic messages to show Him who the real God was. Pharaoh doesn't listen. And the more he didn't listen, the harder his heart became.

What happens to us?

Our body says, "Hey, I'm full. You can stop eating now."

We don't listen. We get hit with a plague of stomach aches and guilt.

Or our body says, "Hey, I'm super hungry. Can you please feed me now?"

We don't listen. We get hit with a plague of fatigue and headaches.

We feel the Spirit nudge us to get moving and call that person to reconcile, but we don't listen. We would rather distract ourselves with chocolate. We get hit with a plague of relational anxiety.

There's extra food on the plates at dinner cleanup but we need to be helping with bedtime. We don't listen. We eat it because we don't want to waste it. We get hit with a plague of tantrums because we decided to take care of the food instead of the kids.

Okay, those started getting a little specific, and maybe they were just examples that I've felt convicted over, but maybe you have yours too.

I would encourage you to start noticing those gentle nudges from your body, from your conscience, from others. These are all messengers from the Lord of life. Our body is the temple, His Spirit intercedes for us, and people are the body of Christ. He surrounds us with Himself, if only we could have ears to hear.

As soon as you do, *clink* *clink* *clink* the chains fall off. Not that they are chains on you, because you're free, remember? You truly are. Those verses don't lie. And maybe that sound will start to sound like God clinking glasses with you to celebrate freedom with Him again.

It's not you who is under the reign of sin, because you are now under grace. It's not you who are overpowered by cravings, you are empowered by the Spirit. It's the things you chain yourself to that you imprison. So you feel in prison.

Let The Food Go

I'm tempted to rewrite the famous children's church song and sing, "Hey-o hey-o, o baby just let it go, uh, yeah yeah yeah yeah" Even if none of this sticks with you, a song and story always do. As annoying as that move was, I hope this replays in your mind whenever you feel powerless against the pantry.

And it's not just a small part of our life that we need to let go. It's all of it. Like Pharaoh told Moses he could let some people go but not everyone, we want to say, "You can take my Milk Duds but don't take my creamer" (I know you, like me, are praying please Lord don't ask me to do that!)

That poor food. Let it go, sister, all of it. It doesn't want to be attached to you any more than you want to be chained to it. And really, food doesn't have feelings. It's meant to be a gift to us, and all good and perfect gifts come from the Father above.

Because even though we say things like, "I'm hungry." You're not hungry. You're a person. You have feelings of hunger (in Spanish, tengo hambre I have hunger...what language says, I have feelings of hunger?). You have feelings of fullness. Notice those feelings, detach them from your identity, let them direct what you need so you can remember who you are, and Who gives you true life.

What Are You Afraid Of?

God is not only leading you but is with you and for you. He's not trying to take away but give give give. Pharaoh might have been afraid that if he let those slaves go, nobody would be able to do the work for him. But do you know what those slaves were doing? Building pyramids. TOMBS. Built strategically to help connect future dead Pharaoh to the eternal afterlife. And by trying to ensure his own salvation by means apart from God, he was ensuring that he would live apart from God's power.

What are you afraid of if you let go?

What could God be giving you in exchange?

This doesn't mean you stop eating all the delicious things or start doing all the dreaded workouts, it means you proclaiming that these things are provision from the source of life, and you're wisely holding on to Him instead.

Let them go so God can be God again and the gifts can be gifts again and you can be you again.

God doesn't want you to hold on to any of it. He wants you to be free, to be unhindered and light and strong like the Spirit. To trust that He multiplies opportunities not to overcome you but because He has overcome the world, it is all His, and because you are His, all He has is for you. The plethora of food and exercise programs are not to become a burden for us to carry but an extravagant party for us to enjoy.

Released to Worship

The Israelites were released not just so they could be free from Pharaoh but so they could worship God in the wilderness.

This is not a taking away of good things but a giving of God Himself. And God is life. We're getting more life!

If you've been Pharaoh over your own body, let her go in freedom. Set her free from the bonds of childhood wounds with forgiveness. Set her free from adulthood comparisons by fixing your gaze on the Lord. Set her free from restrictive programs and listen to her signals. Set her free. Give her as a living sacrifice and see how the physical body becomes your spiritual act of worship.

If you've been Pharaoh over your food, let it go in freedom. Set it free from the need to lick every last drop in scarcity and let it go as leftovers and provision for the next day. Set it free from the expectation to fill every need for comfort, excitement, energy, and give other coping mechanisms a fighting chance. Set it free. Let your daily bread be a coming to Jesus, in whom we will never hunger.

If you've been Pharaoh over movement, let it go in freedom. Set it free from the hard and fast exercise rules of sweat, pain, and spandex. Set it free from the fit body image and gym rat lifestyle. Set it free. As Jesus endured the cross for the joy set before Him, may every obedient movement yield the joy of the Lord's presence in you.

This might be a sudden break, an immediate rush of release, but for most of us, this freedom will happen slowly. One chain at a time. One degree of glory to another.

But once we find we can let our chains go of what we have been holding on to, we will know the Lord is always holding us. We we will find new use for those chains. We will use them to tow others out of the ditch who have stalled out from their own dieting rules and regulations.

Free People Free People

Because you have been set free, you can set others free.

And guess what? I just went and released that caterpillar. I may not be a witness to his transformation, but I can trust that out there in the wild, God will take care of him. And God will take care of me, too.

Nobody may see your transformation. No famous before and after shots here. Our outer body wastes away, but it is the inward self that is being renewed. No fame and glory to the onlookers, only praise and thanksgiving to the invisible God who sees all and knit us together from our mother's womb.

"Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin..." Zechariah 4:10

May I pray for us in this journey?

Lord,

Remind us that we are free in You. Give us the compassion you have for us to give to ourselves, to others. Gently lift our faces to look You in the eyes. Give us eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart to understand your great love that always holds on so we can be free to run. Amen and amen.

So be free, God's little butterflies! I may not hear from you or see your transformation, but I know God's Word never returns void. And I trust He will complete the good work He started in you, from one free girl to another.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." 2 Corinthians 5:17

But if you do want to share your testimony of freedom here to set someone else free, please do so. I may or may not quote your words for a future book 😉

Dig Deeper

Want more freedom? Dig into His Word with these resources:

Coming soon: Joyful Health

If you’re tired of the cycle of binging and restricting, bending underneath impossible fitness and body image expectations, and confused of the right way to be healthy, my friend and dietitian Aubrey Golbek and I are working on a course just for you!*

We know that diets don’t work, and believe that health always starts with grace and shows up as joy. This 12-week online course will cover the content we work through with clients over 6 months of coaching. If this sounds like it’s for you, sign up to be the first to know when the course launches (limited spots available).

*Please note, if you are struggling with an eating disorder or have medical nutrition concerns, the course should not replace one-on-one nutrition counseling with a registered dietitian.

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